So Long A Letter, by Mariama Bâ, a Response

So Long a LetterInstead of the traditional book review, I thought I’d write more of a journal entry style piece on Mariama Bâ’s So Long a Letter.  First, a brief description.  The novella, as the title indicates, takes the form of a letter from one friend, Ramatoulaye, whose husband has just died, to her friend Aissatou.  The majority of the letter speaks of the difficulties Ramatoulaye faced when her husband (while still alive) decided to take another wife, something condoned by Islam in Senegal.  Aissatou had previously divorced her husband for making this decision, and so Ramatoulaye seeks solace under the banner of friendship from someone who has experienced this painful, life-changing event.  Without waiting, here is my first reaction to this book.

I must admit that I wasn’t really struck by any particular passages until I read the chapter containing Aissatou’s letter to Mawdo, the husband she divorced.  After reading this chapter, all the previous pages that I had read seemed a little more illuminated.  Mawdo initially claims that he is taking a second wife so that his mother will not “die of shame and chagrin.”  He later excuses his behavior by invoking the bestial side of humankind.  He says, “You can’t resist the imperious laws that demand food and clothing for man,” and later, “Driven to the limits of my resistance, I satisfy myself with what is within reach.  It’s a terrible thing to say.  Truth is ugly when one analyses it.”  Aissatou actually refutes both of these arguments in her letter.  She tells Mawdo that he is “despicable” because he has chosen to “procreate without loving, merely to satisfy the pride of [his] declining mother,” and tells him that “man is one: greatness and animal fused together.  None of his acts is pure charity.  None is pure bestiality.”

Sometimes it is very difficult for Westerners to understand how women in cultures with even more tightly regimented gender roles haven’t fallen victim to massive revolts by women grown sick and tired of being forced to do all of the things that women are typically told they have to do.  I have always thought that being a housewife is kind of insulting to a woman.  How is someone to realize their full potential if they are locked up in a house all day, cleaning what they didn’t dirty, feeding those who could very well feed themselves, and doing work that should be shared by all members of a household?  Ramatoulaye made me think differently.  Ramatoulaye writes of the dedication that it takes to operate a household efficiently and how much the women that carry out these duties need praise.  One of my friends in college who was also a Women’s Studies major told me that many women in the world do not like being referred to as “feminists.”  I partially understood what she said at the time, and I completely understand now.

Our society needs to understand the difference between what “females” would naturally do in the world, and what “women” have been told they need to do for all of history.  Too long have we told women what is expected of them.  Too long have we confused the relationships that occur in the animal kingdom with our own idea of what a relationship between a man and a woman should resemble.  Many women throughout the world think that caring for children is the mother’s responsibility, but deny the role of “woman” that is forced upon them.  Humans have changed being a “female” into being a “woman.”  I suspect that Ramatoulaye would say that treating people equally means that one does not expect different things from different people based solely on gender (and in the broader sense race).  It means expecting a woman to do what she wants, be it homemaking or working with the general population, and respecting that decision and that position for what it is, without abusing the privileges that woman’s decision bestows.

My wife has been a stay at home mom for the last three years, and this year she started her doctorate degree.  Both of us are very progressive people, but the experience of having two young children has made us realize how important it is to have a solid home life.  I’ve personally seen my wife struggle with her role as a mother pitted against all of the things that she has always wanted to do.  Like Ramatoulaye, she has found a balance between what society expects of her and what she knows to be right for both her and her family.