The Huffington Post has a great little article about "books that you should never give your beloved." It got me thinking about all the times that books were red flags, early warning signs that this person was not suited to be my friend or significant other. 

 

Sometimes when someone comes into your life, they bring you the gift of an amazing author you hadn't heard of before that point. Other times, they are total losers, and their books are, too.

 

I remember the first time I visited this fellow's house. He had the entire ten volume Mission Earth series prominently displayed atop his headboard bookshelf. In hardcover. Pristine condition. He explained that he had read the paperback versions, and that these were strictly for collectible purposes.

 

This series is essentially a 1.2 million word science fiction novel by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard. It is frequently considered the worst work of science fiction ever written. To have read it was a red flag. To have owned virgin hardcover copies and display them over your bed? Wow. There's a warning I should have heeded early.

 

I don't want to single out any one particular author or book. Because truthfully, taken one or two at a time, this kind of book can be pretty entertaining, especially if you're in a foul mood. 

 

But you should be taken aback if you are ever faced with an entire room lined with bookshelves filled with nothing but ultra-violent horror novels. Splatterpunk, gore porn, whatever you want to call it. It was an homage to thousands of hours spent reading about the worst stuff the author can dream up. In hindsight… not a good sign.

 

Same deal - I love a good true crime novel as much as the next person. I read one every year or so. But I should really have been more cautious about the guy who was obsessed with true crime novels.

 

This obsession eventually led to a Saturday afternoon spent visiting all the Green River Killer sites in south King county - places where women were abducted and where their remains were found - in chronological order. (This was about 10 years before Gary Ridgway was identified and caught.)

 

Yeah, exactly. 

 

If you ever meet someone who is TOTALLY INTO these two books, and who presses a copy upon you, insisting that they will BLOW YOUR MIND… trust me: run, don't walk. 

 

Your only other alternative is thousands of hours spent nodding sagely while he rattles on about how the British monarchy will bring about Armageddon. Save yourself!