Real Book

Being sexy and beautiful can be a burden to a famous Hollywood starlet. What better way to counter-balance that than by showing your brainy side by writing a book? Unfortunately, not all books penned by stars are as deliciously salacious, humorous and shocking as Jenna Jameson’s How to Make Love Like a Porn Star. Or as wildly successful. We’ve compiled a list of celebrity authors who have tried their hand at writing, from children’s books to the fictional memoir, to the super-brainy math book.

The Truth About Diamonds by Nicole Richie

This “novel” written by the former ex-best friend of Paris Hilton follows the story of rich socialite Chloe Parker, the adopted daughter of a rock musician, through her ill-fated friendship with a rich heiress, love affair with drugs, brief stint in re-hab, a reality show, and once fat DJ boyfriend. But don’t be fooled, this isn’t an autobiography. To further make that point, Nicole Richie wrote herself in as the narrator and best friend of Chloe Parker. It’s no surprise this book was trashed by the critics. It’s a miracle she found a publisher at all - Nicole Richie isn’t exactly known for her intellectual insights.

The Showgirl Princess by Kylie Minogue

Celebrities sure love the children’s books. Kylie Minogue has authored a semi-autobiographical picture book about her rise to stardom. It’s self-centered, self-indulgent fluff aimed at girls six and over, with a positive message about believing in yourself and the importance of friendship and teamwork. The illustrations are really weird, and I seriously doubt this book would’ve found a publisher had it not been written by Minogue, but I guess it does help to have friends in high places.

Swan by Naomi Campbell

Even with the help of a ghost-writer this novel about a super-famous super-model cannot be redeemed. One critic had this to say about Swan:

“Readers are immersed in the internal world of modeling: the fashion designers, bookers, agencies, hair stylists, and photographers. Despite the insider perspective provided by Campbell-herself a supermodel-the narrative is somewhat disjointed, making the various stories difficult to follow. Not an essential purchase.”

Starstruck by Pamela Anderson

After dabbling in film-making the voluptuous Baywatch babe decided to try her hand at book writing. Starstruck follows Star Wood Leigh, a drop-dead gorgeous woman and her jealous rocker husband, whom she married after a bender in which he wakes up tied to the bed of a hotel room. Here we see yet another example of the narcissistic, self-obsessive celebrity dishing about their private lives in the guise of fiction. Pam Anderson has done nothing to disguise this story about her tumultuous relationship with Tommy Lee except for changing the names. Subtle? Not.

A Model Summer by Paulina Porizkova

This is the only well-reviewed book on the list, and surprisingly it was written by another super-model, sans the aide of a ghost-writer. My only gripe with this book is that it is also semi-autobiographical, to Porizkovas’s credit though it is well-written, and insightful. This novel takes the reader backstage of the catwalk, and gives us a glimpse of life as human mannequin from the perspective of a fifteen year-old accidental super-model.

Math Doesn’t Suck by Danica McKellar

They say write what you know, as has been clearly illustrated by the afore mentioned “authors”, but who would’ve known that little Winnie Cooper of the Wonder Years was a certified Math whiz? Danica is a summa cum laude graduate of UCLA with a degree in mathematics. She also co-authored a mathematical proof known as the Chayes-McKellar-Winn Theorom, which I’m sure is a fascinating read. She wrote Math Doesn’t Suck as a way to inspire girls to stop feeling intimidated by the subject and the book has received very good reviews.

A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore isn’t exactly his latest, but it is by far my favorite.  I’m not saying Lamb (read what Jay Solomon has to say about this one)  and You Suck didn’t delight me as well, but there is something exciting and fun about A Dirty Job.  Moore has a quick wit and a dark sense of humor to say the least, the story is about a new dad Charlie Asher, who is also a widow, and has somehow acquired a new job as a Death Merchant.  Even death has a middleman, who knew?

Charlie is a neurotic hypochondriac who becomes a Death Merchant after he looses his wife while giving birth to their daughter.  Things star getting a little weird after that. Strange names start appearing in a notebook, and people start dropping dead.  Meanwhile, he is trying to be a dad and run a second hand store in San Francisco, which is like another character of the book, along with the motley crew he is already surrounded by.  Charlie really has his hands full, to aggravate things, he also has to fight the forces of evil from taking over the world!

I love the references to the Tibetan Book of the Dead. Until I read the book I had only heard about the book, since reading Dirty Job I have taken an interest in how death has been percieved and interpreted throughout history.  Clearly Moore knows something about mythology and religion and spirituality, and what I loved about this book is that it is fast-paced and full of action.  There are few moments where the book is boring or slow.  Every word is intentional and meant to stir and contribute to the flow of the story, which like I said is very funny despite the fact that it is about death.  I also loved the imagery it conjures up while reading it.  At times dark and at times dark, but cute.  You just have to read it for yourself.  Highly recommend this, especially if you’ve never read anything by Christpher Moore before.